It's Just Life

I was always taught that life is what you make of it. You evolve into what you are from each choice you make.  We all make good choices and bad choices in our lives and have to deal with the outcome.  Sometimes it is hard and we have to fight to keep ourselves above water and sometimes we can float by without a care in the world. I  alway strive to be a positive person. When the difficult times in life hit you like a brick it can be hard to keep a positive outlook on life. Sometimes you think you made the right choice and it ends up punching you right and the face and knocking you down and it is hard to get back up. No one ever said life would be easy. I have had many struggles in my life. They have been difficult and slow to recover from, but every single one of them have made me more aware of myself. Because of these trials I am stronger physically and emotionally. My struggles have brought me to a place where I know who I am and what I believe and what I am capable of.  I know that I can love someone even when it hurts. I know that with determination I can fight the battles of life and come up an overcomer and have victory in every battle. I know that faith is the key to being an overcomer, without faith I am nothing. When I am down I choose to stand on the promises that have been given to me from my heavenly father and continue in the fight. He promises victory at the end of my life even if I don't feel victorious in my life. He promises that He will work all things together for my good. He tells me to trust in Him and he will take me through the storms of life even when I don't understand and don't think life is fair. He gives me blessings of His sweet piece and strength for tomorrow.  He shows me mercy when I make the wrong choices and helps me through the struggle that I caused myself. He tells me to fight the good fight! He tells me to keep my eyes on him so I do not sink into the deep abis. He promises to keep me! He is my rock, my footrace, my strength, my deliverer, my savior. I can do nothing with out him! He loves me unconditionally, through every situation and every storm. With every choice I make He draws me closer to Him.  All He asks from me is my love and to show His love to others. It is difficult to show His love to others sometimes. When life is unfair and people with ugly, cold, and selfish hearts try to destroy your joy. It is difficult to remember that I am supposed to be an overcomer and love them through their struggles just as Christ loves me through mine. Unconditional love is not easy, but I am supposed to do it anyway. Unconditional love is given to me when my heart isn't pretty and I am supposed to love others when their hearts aren't pretty either. What is unconditional love? It is, I love you no matter what you do to me or say to me to hurt me. I love you no matter what you throw at me! I love you no matter what, to the end!

Blog Reflection

The blogging experience has been challenging and educational and liberating.  It was difficult for me at first because I do not have many computer skills and had a hard time posting and responding on the blog site.  The blog experience opened my mind to writing down my thoughts and not being afraid to let others read my writing. I learned that writing, no matter how elementary in context, can be interesting for the reader.  The free writing was a learning challenge that taught met hat my writing doesn't have to be perfect, it is more important to be able to write. Once everything is in text in front of you is when you make the changes to make the piece better. . The blog helped me be more comfortable with the writing process. It helped me be able to have more freedom and less fear when writing my essays. Reading over my blog post and applying the class reading made me aware of the challenges I face as a writer. It allowed me the chance to evaluate my writing and see if I was making progress.  Being open and sharing myself in writing and not knowing who was going to read it was a liberating experience for me.  I enjoyed reading the other blog posts and see what others had to say and how they were progressing with their writing. It was neat to see all of the different writing styles and the topics that people chose to write about in their blog.  I have purchased new notebooks so I can continue writing. The knowledge and confidence I gained is irreplaceable.  I am now hooked on writing and can't wait to continue and see how my writing progresses.

Physical Complications

I have struggled with a physical complication called vaigal syncope with autonomic neuropothy sense I was 15 years of age. This condition occurs in the vagal nerve function and causes all kinds of havoc on your body. Vagal syncopy happens when the vagal nerve does not send the messages from the brain to the heart and visa versa.  This problem causes dizziness and fainting, upon standing to quickly, in most people.The fainting is causes by a sudden drop in blood pressure because the communication between the brain and the heart did not happen as fast as it should have. In my situation the doctors tell me I have one of the worst cases they have ever seen, to the point it causes my circulation to slow down effecting my other body systems.  A normal blood pressure for a healthy adult is around 120/80 and a pulse of 60 to 80. My blood pressure on a good day runs 80/50 and my pulse stays between 45 and 60.  I have been in the hospital for weeks at a time trying to figure out what was going on. It took my doctors 20 years and many trips to the St.Louis research hospital to figure me out. In the mean time I went through my sophomore year of high school with a roller walker to keep my balance and spend 3 months in and out of the hospitals and doctors office running tests and drawing blood. When I turned twenty I got to start wearing 80 pound, thigh high, compression stalking year around.  I was blessed with two beautiful daughters before my doctors told me I was going to loose my leg if I had another child.  I have lived through years of pain in my legs due to the poor circulation and neropothyand 8 surguries on differant organs of my body due to lack of blood flow. My feet are cold and blue and often have no feeling.  I have had three vascular surgeries on my right leg. In 2001 after my third surgery I was forced to quit my job and go through extensive rehabilitation so I could keep my leg.  It took me four years to get myself fit enough to stand on my leg for long enough to hold down a full time job.  In 2001 I was flat on my back with legs elevated most of the day.  Rehabilitation started with 10 minutes a day on a recumbent bike because my circulation was so pour I could not do anything with impact or anything with my legs straight below my heart because my heart didn't receive the signal that my brain needed blood. All of my blood would pool in my feet and I would loose oxygen levels to my brain.  I slowly rehabilitated from a bike to an elliptical to body weight exercise, to weight lifting and 3 miles on the tread mill.  They tell me that weight lifting and my stubborn nature saved my leg.  They told me that the weight training would be worth it if I could push through the pain.  I did it every day.  The building of muscle around the vein wall helps support the blood flow just like the compression stalkings do.  It is amazing what the body can do,  I got to keep my leg but still struggled with the symptoms.  I went back to work in 2005 with a full release from my doctors only to find myself back in the hospitals two years later with stroke symptoms.  My days were filled with headaches, blurred vision, slurred speech, slow thought processes, memory lose and no feeling, cold, blue hands and feet.  I struggled with these spells for 3 more years filled with ambulance rides and electric paddles shocking me back to life as the flew me away in the helicopter.  The doctors did every test imaginable and finally after 20 years of struggle a new doctor form the neurology department at the St. Louis research hospital diagnosed me after an angiogram of my heart and brain.  He told me I was going to be fine. He prescribed a little 20 mg pill every 4 hours while I was awake to help my nervous system talk to my circulatory system and get the blood I need from my aching feet to my starving brain.  I have been taking the little miracle pill for six months now with no episodes of fainting or lethargy of any kind.  I am so thankful for the little pill and the awesome doctor that knew what to do. I take my pills, eat healthy, and exercise regularly to keep my body and mind in good health. The doctor, the medication and my diligence has allowed me to excel in my work, to have fun with my family, to go back to school, and to learn jiu jitsu as part of my fitness routine, 

Three Wishes!

I was ask if I could have three wishes granted what would they be and why?

My first wish would be that everyone would get alone.  I hate war and turmoil!  There are many situations that require action to be taken to make them right but, if we would all have a little compassion and peace in our heart we could deal with one another without all of the dissension.  I know there is no such thing as total peace in the would or in our relationships. I fell that if everyone would just try to get along with one another and think of how they would want to be treated when they act that we would all be more content.

I wish that I could be myself!   I feel so stifled in my life.  I want to be able to laugh and sing and dance and hug someone and joke around and be crazy without people around me making me feel bad about it.  I want to be able to be the free spirit that is inside me and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks about me.  I have so many caution lights going off everytime I try to be me that I can't mave.  IT seems that everytime that I step out from under the thumb that holds me down and I be myself I get repremanded and told that I am stupid and need to stop.  I don't think that there is anything wrong with being what I was created to be and having good clean fun.

My third wish would be for health.  I have had many health issues in my life that has slowed the progress of reaching my goals in life.  I would like to have a stong healthy body and not have to be concerned with sickness of decease so that I can live my life and reach my goals and be productive in the things that I choose to do with my life.

I think that if we are stong in mind, body, and spirit that we can accomplish anything!  With those accomplishments come the wealth and health and all of the other things that we desire in life.  I want a victorious life! A life that is successful and full. 

Music Freewrite

I don't know what my life would be like without music. Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  I can hear my Grandma singing Say, Say oh Playmate and case era sayra. She always rocked and sang and rubbed my ear. Papa would turn on the record player. I have the record player to this day.  It is one of the old hutch players that sits on the floor and has a record player and 8 track and a radio in it.  Papa would turn on his favorite counrty music and he would put me on his feet and I would hold on to his metal hooks he had for hands and we would dance all around the living room.  Everytime I traveled anywhere with my dad, if it was 2 miles or 800, we would sing the old hymns that I learned from church.  My grandad would play his bango and sing to me everytime I went to his house.  I sat and sang on the front porch swing with Mama.  My boss always asks what I am singing to myself when I walk down the hall at work.  I started singing in the church when I was 2 years old.  I am still singing today.  I love all music, from the hymns of Fanny B. Crosby to Johnny Cash to AC/DC.  I love it all!  I am a true believer in music can set the mood.  I have over 120 gig of music on my ipod all in catigories of mood.  I have music playing all the time.  I enjoy even just listening to the radio to see what is new.  The first thing that my mind goes to in a movie is the music.  I have music for my workouts, music to calm me, music for fun, music to energize me, just to name a few.  I have never been to a concert.  I would love to go to one sometime and get the full experience of a great band.  I would never be able to pick who I wanted to hear.  I always have music with me.  When the radio won't come in and the Ipod is dead I have music in my heart. 

What I know

Growing up my dad always told me that I have to live by what I know, then he proceeded to tell me what it was that I could know. There are things in life that are constant and we can know.
I know that the bible is truth.
I know that yesterday is gone and I can not change it.
I know that today is where I have to live.
I know that tomorrow isn't promised.
I know that I am saved by the blood of Christ.
I know that I am more than a conceror.
I know that peace comes from my faith in Christ.
I know that Christ died so I can live in liberty.
I know that I am free.
I know that the spirit tat raised Christ from the dead dwells in me.
I know that I am forgiven.
I know that trials will come.
I know that through Christ trials are victorious.
I know that he works all things together for good for those that love him.
I know that He that has began a work in me will finish it in His way and in His time.
I know that nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.
I know that my name is written in the palm of His hand.
I know that faith is eternal.
I know that he gives rest for the weiry.
I know that He gives strength to the weak.
I know that in Him I can do all things in His strength.
I know that it is by the faith that He has given me that I can be victorious though the grace that He has given me.
I know that He is everything. The first and the last.
I know that Christ loves me.
I know that I am supposed to love as Christ loves me.
My faith in knowing that God is soverin is the one thing in my life that is constant and does not chance. My faith drives me each new day to be the best I can be that dayWhen He looks at me He sees the blood of Christ and all of its goodness. The mistakes that I make in my fresh are for me to grow to trust Him more each day and to lean on Him and walk in His will for my life. 

What do I feel from Mama's Frony Porch Swing?

I feel the breeze blowing.
I feel the wooden slats againest my back.
I feel the seems of the old quilt on the back of my legs.
I feel the rough concrete porch under my feet.
I feel my mama's hand holding my hand.
I feel to cool glass of tea in my hand and the sweat running down the glass.
I feel peace and contentment as we sing the old church hymns.
I feel nostalgic as I look over the front yard and think of all the activities of the past.
I feel relaxed when I sit and take in all the things around me from Mama's front porch swing.
I feel the soft fur of the kittens.

What can I hear from Mama's Front Porch Swing?

I can hear the creeking if the slats on the swing as we rock back and forth.
I can hear the chains hitting and rubbing againest each other.
I can hear kittens purring.
I can hear baby birds cherping.
I can hear the bull frogs in the pond.
I can hear crickets and kaddidids.
I can here the farmers tractor.
I can here the mailman driving by and the squeeking of the mailbox as he put the mail in.
I can hear dogs barking from the pin in the back..
I can hear the galloping mule hooves.
I can hear the mules whinney and sputter.
I can hear the chickens clucking and scratching.
I can hear my dad doing the chores, talking to the animals, getting hay and grain out of the barn.
I can hear the squeek of the gates and the old barn door.
I can hear the ice in my glass of tea hitting the side of the glass.
I can here the ballgame on T.V. from inside the house.
I can hear the breeze rustling through the leaves on the trees.
I can hear walnuts dropping to the ground.
I can hear the cows from the farmers field.
I can hear my mama talking and singing with me.

What can I smell from Mama's front porch swing?

I can smell fescue grass growing in the fields.
I can smell a hint of cedar in the air from the cedar tree.
I can smell the hay from the barn.
I can smell honeysuckle and lilac on the breeze coming from the back yard.
I can smell wet firewood.
I can smell the musty quilt.
I can smell the Lily of the valley from under the cedar tree.
I can smell the mule holding pen.

What do I see from Mama's front porch swing?

I see the farmers field across the road where the cows are grazing near the pond.
I see the hanging baskets cascading with mama's favorite flowers: petunias and pansies.
I see the bird houses hanging in between the flower baskets.
I see the mother rin flying back and forth gather food for her babies.
I see the tractor tire that is now a flower bed that we used to climb into and roll down the hill in the front yard.
I see the old patchwork quilt that is tattered and faded from the weather that lays on the swing to keep the boards from pinching me.
I see the old Chicken Bristle store that once traded with the locals at the end of the driveway.
I see the old stores busted porch and the mailbox at the end of the driveway.
I see the walnut tree in the yard.
I see the cider tree that I got for earth day when I was in second grade.
I see the hacberry tree that must be 200 years old.
I see the shade from the trees.
I see the mules in the field.
I see the flowers in the bed in front of the porch.
I see the rose of Sharron and the snowball bush.
I see the crack in the second step on the porch.
 I see the old cedar tree that casts shade over the porch.
I see the little wooden well and the tulips and Lilly of the valley that grow under the cedar tree.
I see the chip and seal road that runs between the front yard and the farmers pond.
I can see the old well house down the road where mother fox has her pups every spring.
I can see the start of the timber where we pick blackberries and hunt for morel mushrooms.
I can see the mule trailer and the barn filled with hay.
I can see the grain troft in the holding pin beside the old barn.
I can see rusted tin and greying boards on the barn.
I can see kittens playing near the wicker basket.
I can see creep mertals and canna lilies.
I can see iris and the slop up to the road.
I can see the bottom of the hill in the front yard that fills with water when it rains.
I can see a spider in her web in the corner.

Mama's Front Porch Swing.

Mama's front porch swing.
It is lod and scweeks as you rock back and forth.
The chains are rusted and the paint is chipped.
There are baby kittens playing around the whicker basket in the corner where they were born a few weeks ago.
There is a small painted rocking chair for the pot of petunias to sit.
The breeze brings the smell of lilac and honeysuckle that line the fence rows.
A cold glass sweet tea in a tall glass with cool sweat running down the outside to cool my forhead as I run the side of the glass across it.
Across the fence sits an old barn with tin and boards starting to come apart.
The troft in the holding pin is full of grain for the mules. You can hear them coming as my dad whistles for them. 
The old farmhouse is pail yellow stuco with a green tin roof.
The flower bed is filled with viberant color and the tractor tire in the front yard is filled with daffadils and crocus.  Iris bloom in every color along the side of the old store that sits by the side of the road.
The front yard slops with a giant tree covered in leaves in the middle with snowball bushes and rose of sharon growing under its vast shade it provides.
Crepe mertal and Hydrangia are at every corner.
Rose bushes under the old double pained windows.
I can hear the dogs barking and the chickens cluking in the back yard.
The cloths on the line dance in the breeze.
The second step on the porch is cracked. 
I sit rock and sing old hymns with my mom as we sip iced tea.
I find peace with the beauty of the counrty side the smell of the flowers, the sounda of my childhood. 
Mama always holds my hand as we sit and swing.
The memories of the past rush through my mind and often bring tears to my eyes when I think of the times I have spent in the old porch swing with my mama.
Snapping beans from the garden.
sitting and singing. My dad joins in the tune from the other side of the open window where he is sitting in his recliner watching the ballgame with his eyes closed.
Cleaning blackberries and morel mushrooms that we picked as we took a stroll through the tember behind the field.
Sitting and talking about life and all of its wonders.
Just sitting and rocking and enjoying everything that surrounds us.

Home!!!

I think we take home for granted.  We get so stuck in our routine that we forget how rough somepeople have it and how blessed we are to have a routine. My routine is filled with work and school and cooking and cleaning and taking care of my family.  I allow all of things to distract me and I miss the little important things sometimes.  I went to Denver for four days to move my friends and I realized how truely blessed I am.  I have a family and friends that love me. My teenage girls stayed home and too care of the house and the dog. My In-Laws live next door and they kept an eye on them.  When I got home they had all cleaned the house and mowed the yard and were waiting with big hugs and love.  That is what life is about. Having people that love you. My friends in Denver knew that I would come and help them because I love them and they needed me. It took us thre days of packing and unpaking from daylight to dark to get them moved to their new place.  When we were all finished they said they were glad that they just got to spend some time with us. The time spent with them was the good part, moving was just the think that needed to be done. Last night at nine o'clock my fifteen year old called and told me she was all packed to leave for church camp but didn't want to go until we got home and she could see us.  As soon as we finished unloading the last truck at eleven o'clock we hopped in the car and headed home.  I sat down on the couch tired from the overnight drive with a girl on each side of me. We sat and talked for a couple of hours before my younger daughter left for camp.  My older daughter quietly sat and watched the movies my husband had turned on while he and I slept on the couch.  She woke me up so I could get back to my routine of homework and cooking. I am so blessed to have a family that is together and love and respect each other. I didn't have to worry about my girls getting into trouble while I was gone. The called me everytime they left the house and called when they got back.  They called and told me they love me everynight before they went to bed.  I know that I am blessed because their aren't many teenage girls that would love and respect their parents enough to tell them everything they were doing or want them to come home so they could see them for just a couple of hours before they left for camp or would sit quitly while their parents slept from a long trip or cleaned and cooked and mowed while their parents where gone and stay out of trouble.  I love my girls. I love my Husaband. I love my home and my small rural routine of life.  My friends can keep the big city living and the hustle and bustle that comes with it. I will continue to be content with my beautiful home and family in the country.  I love my sometimes busy but quiet life.

What is your refigerator?

It is funny to me to see what people have in their refrigerator. I am a buy groceries one week at a time person so, I don't have much. Only the basic condiments and some eggs and milk by the end of the week. My parents have everything imaginable in their refrigerator. I think she would put the kitchen sink in there if it would fit. My friends who we are moving this weekend said that they have been trying to eat up what is in theirs and it is filled to the top with sodas and condiments and leftovers and cheese. They have tones of cheese. IT looks like a train wreck. You have to take everything out to get to what you want in the back. They are too funny.  My refrigerator is organized. Everything is separated so it is easy to find. All fruits together. All veggies together. Drinks are in the door. Milk products to the left in the door. All meat and cheese in the meat drawer. The eggs are in a clear plastic container so you can see what is inside.  I only cook the portions that we need to eat so there are no leftovers. I make my food for my lunch for the week on Sunday and organize them into daily stacks and line them up nicely.  So would say that I an in fact anal when it come to organization. Right down to my refrigerator. 

Driving to Denver

We help our friends move to Denver last year.  I am there again moving them.  We woke up yesrday morning and headed out.  Twelve long hours on the road and we finally made it. They live in a suberb that You can see the mountains from their front window. They are beautiful but rows of houses obstruct the view.  They have a truck coming tomorrow so we can pack everything and move them to yet another suberb still further away from me. I want them to come home. I miss them. The trip was filled with excitment inside of me knowing that I was gonna get to see them.  I don't mind the work of helping them move if it givves me a chance to spend time with them.  We are going to the mountains today so we can see if I can breath up there. I am looking forward to it. I love the mountains. I could eisily be here with them if my job and family weren't holding me in Missouri. As soon as my schooling is finished, my girls are out of high school and I can talk my hubby into it. I will be living right next to them.  We had houses next to each other in Missouri and then they up and moved on me.  That wasn't very nice. It totally changed my life. They are worth driving to Denver for. They are worth driving anywhere for. We only get to stay till Monday and the numb highknee and the hurting legs will not be worth the trip back. I don't mind it on the way here. I know what is waiting when I get here. The great thing about them is I get to relax and not have to worry about pleasing anybody while I am here. I can be myslf and they love me that way.  I will drive to Denver anytime.

Difficult

It is difficult for me to look at someone elses writting and anser the questions that were ask of us.  I am a very accepting person and do not like to critic other people in any way, shape or form.  I enjoyed reading what the other had written. It is nice to see other peoples perspective on things.  It was ammusing to me to see how differant we all thing about differant things. Money being the root of eveil and setting goals in life are things that most people agree on it is how we reach these conclusion in ourselves that facinates me.  All of the differant expericances that we have as individuals bring us close to the same conclusion.  Like I said I don't like having to look at something and "judge it". It made me very nervious.  I think that everyone is unique in their own way and that is how we need to accept them.  I think that everyone can learn to be a better writer but we need to accept their workj as they progress to being that better writer.  I know that it take constructive correction to gain knowledge but I should not be the one passing it out. I am far from knowing enough to do that.

Need!

It is peculiar to me that people think that they need so many things to survive.  I hear people say " i don't know what I will do, I can't live without it" as they make reference to their cell phone, television, IPod, computer, credit card, or the designer dress in the store window.  Society has become so oriented toward lavish surroundings that they don't think they can live without all of these things that they want, not need.  I would like to go back to the simplicities of life.  IT is hard for me to even know what simplicities are anymore.  People claim that technology has made their lives easier through convenience of the Internet and all that technology has to offer.  I disagree, I am not saying these thing aren't convenient to have but I believe that before technology life was more simple.  Technology has created an instant, fast paced, impersonal world. Sure, you can contact someone instantly but you can not interact with them, hear them see them feel their vibe.  I would like to simplify my life and not have to deal with all of these impersonal technologies.  We should be pleased with so much less than what we have. There are many in poverty with no cloths, no shoes, little shelter and food.  I am so blessed to have things that I need and many that I want. 

Always Go to the Funeral

 While skimming across the titles of the This I Believe essays, the titke Always go to the Funeral by Deirdre Sullivan caught my eye.  I have lost many loved ones and friends in my 38 years of life.  I have lost Grandparents, Great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, young and old.  I work at a military veterans home and see our heros die on a regular basis.  My first experiance at a funeral was at the age of 10 and my family ask me to sing at my great grandma Kitty's funeral.  At 10 years old that is a hard thing to do.  I told  my dad I was scared and didn't want to do it.  He looked at me and told me that Grandma Kitty had wanted me to so, I should because it is the last thing I can do for her.  My dad's words gave me a whole new perspective on funerals and singing and carring for the elderly.  What an honor it is for me to be able to do something for them after they are gone.  I have sang at many funerals, showing my last respects and fulfilling the wishes of the family member or the friend laying cold.  I have packed up many rooms for my veterans and their families after they are gone.  These are the little things that I can do to show my respects even when my heart is breaking or I don't want to. I agree that there are many things in life that we have to choose to do when our heart is breaking or we don't want to.  The writer says to do the right thing when you really really don't want to.  I try to live with respect of others and do good instead of doing nothing.  I am a doer!  This essay challaged me to look for more oppertunities to do.  I never want to be the one doing nothing.

Be Cool To The Pizza Delivery Dude - Response.

As I read the Essay Be Cool To The Pizza Delivery Dude I was amazed at what you can learn from the small expericances in life.  I belive that fracticing humility and forgiveness is difficult for people because they get to hung up on everything going on in their own little world.  We must all make a point to forgive and be humble. These traits do not come naturally.  I liked that Sarah found empathy for the pizza dude.  Trying to please your boss and the customer and getting the pizza to its destination through all the traffic and weather is a difficult job at times I am sure.  Job are hard to find these days, I have respect for anyone who gets out and trys to find one and is willing to do the best job they can at what they do.  I am a manager over 28 housekeepers and Laundry works.  My employees have a constant dirty job to perform with minimul pay and they all do an excellant job.  IT is hard to keep a smile on your face when you have spent all morning cleaning up after people and they go right behind you messing it up all the while getting paid more than they do.   These employees deserve a pat on the back every day.  They work hard for little pay everyday to support themselves and their families.  I am greatful for every one of them.  I disagree with the statement that equality is the pride taken in performing a job.  I don't think that equality has anything to do with the performance of a job. Equality is simply a fact. All mankind where created equal.  There are those that might be born to prevolage and wealth and those born to poverty but, woth is not in money or deed it is in you and being who you were created to be.  Finally it is always good to tip the pizza dude.   It is important to make other kinow that they are appriciated in every aspect of life.  Wouldn't you want someone to tip you if it was your job to deliver the pizza. I like how she used the pizza dude to show how we should treat people and how treating others well will in turn make you feel like a better person.  You can never go wrong doing good to others.  Even though they might not respond to your kindness the way you exspect, kindness will always come back to you sooner or later.

Reflection

What do you see when you look at your reflection in the mirror? This is the question that was asked of me this morning by my Dad.  This is a deep rooted question.  If you look past the physical appearance and truly look at yourself and who you are, what you are, who you have become, is your heart content?  I look and am thankful that I have a blessed savior who went to the cross to gain victory over my sin.  He arose victorious over my every mistake, my poor choices in life, and my short comings.  The great thing about this is I can look in the mirror and see victory even in the troubled times in my life.  With every mistake I make He draws me closer to Him.  He guides me on my path in life.  It is amazing to me that there is nothing I can do that His blood didn't cover on the cross.  He loves me so much that He makes every trail a blessing by letting me go through it and helps me to rely on Him more and more.  When I am week and can't withstand on my own He wants me to trust in Him.  He makes everything He has available to me...His strength, His love, His compassion, His joy.  The bible says His mercies are new every morning.  With every step I take though the good choices and the bad He works it together for good.  The good things make me thankful and the bad make me stronger and make me trust Him more. He is so deserving! He wants us to love Him and trust in Him.  He has already paid my price with His blood and helps me walk through my life everyday.  Everyday is a blessing to me.  I have victory in Him, through Him.  I can look in the mirror and tell myself I am worth it. I am so glad that He gave me all I need to trust Him.  Even the faith to come to know Him.  When I look in my mirror I want to see His reflection in my life.  I am so thankful that He loves me.

Building a House.

Have you every built a house with your own two hands?  We have just completed our 5th house. My husband and my Father-in-law and myself built it with our own hands from the concrete in the basement floor to the ridge cap on the roof. Building a house is an amazing process to watch.  Searching for land that is right for the house and choosing a plan that suits your needs and wants is a challenge in itself.  Then comes all of the labor that is involved.  First you call in the dirty guy to dig the basement and hope that he knows what he is going so you don't spend extra money on him digging too much and then having to pay him to back fill his mistakes.  We don't have basement forms so we had a guy come in and set the forms for the basement walls. The foundation is the most important step in getting the house straight and level.  This is the guy you really have to trust.  After the foundation and the basement walls are poured you have to lay the plumbing pipe in the floor and fill it with gravel and get it level so you can pour the floor.  Shoveling gravel one wheelbarrow at a time is not fun!  Then comes my favorite part, setting the walls.  First, you lay the foam and set the boards on the footing and then the floor joist are next.  After you wrap the floor joist with the banding around the outside you get to put the floor down.  You glue and hammer, glue and hammer, the 4 foot by 8 foot sheets of 3/4 inch boards down to the joist.  A nail goes in every 8 inches up the board on every joist.  Bending over the whole time.  Once you get the floor on you get to mark out all of the walls. You measure and measure again making you makes at all the corners making sure everything is straight so you don't have crooked walls everywhere.  If the first wall is crooked they are all crooked.  We then cut all the top and bottom boards to the size of the wall and mark them for windows and corners and doors and studs. Once you get to this point you put all the window and door headers together and assemble your corners and wall centers for where the walls come together.  Then you lay the wall out on the floor and place everything were it goes, corners to corners, headers for windows and doors and studs every 16 inches.  You put them together one at a time putting the main baring walls up first then the smaller interior walls.  You have to make sure that the walls are plumb and straight so they all fit together then you add the top plate and it is on the the roof trusses.  The trusses are big and have to be lifted to the roof with a crane.  Trusses are big and easily caught by the wind and stretch the full length of the house.  We put them up one at a time securing them to the face plate on the mark where they go then the lucky one, my hubby, climbs to the top of the unstable top of the truss to secure it with a brace to the house structure.  One by one they go up and are cross braced to one another and to the structure.  We then have to lift 4x8 sheets of tongue and groove to the roof and put them on making sure that each cut of the roof line is correct before we glue and nail them to the trusses.  Tar paper and shingles are then applied to the roof with the ridge cap completing the job. Plumbing and electric, heading and air are ruffed in for all the fixtures you want for the inside.  My job is always running the lines through the rafters.  Then you place all of the electric boxes and pull the wires through.  Insulation in the walls and ceiling and then the sheet rock and mud texture come in.  We hire this done because a team can do it quickly and for a good price.   Then we start all of the finish work.  Building the cabinets, this entails staining and sanding and spraying each and every board .  Once the cabinets are set and the window and door trip are up, the baseboards are put in we get to start the tile and carpet.  Once piece at a time the tile is set when it is dry we get to put the grout in and wipe it and clean it over and over again to make the tile pretty and then the carpet is laid.  Then all of the plumbing fixtures are set and the electric is finished, being careful to make sure every light and plug in works and every faucet has water.  Then I get to make it my own...I paint each wall, pick out my appliances, move the furniture in.  This is a long process and takes lots of hard work.  Don't forget to pour the pouch and the garage approach.  The dirt must be back filled and the yard made.  Try to get the grass to grow in this heat!  I have a huge deck on the back.  Once we get it all completed and get everything moved in the enjoyment comes.  Making a house a home for my family is the best part!  The atmosphere of the structure you have put together with love.  I love my family and I am am blessed with the challenge of making the house a home.

Knowing my audiance

I found it very interesting to read through all of the questions and answers that everyone had.  I saw vast differences in places and time and also similarities in why.  I found that the audience is full of thinkers, adventurers, dreamers, ambition and grandeur.  There where many questions of interest asked...What T.V. show would you like to be a part of? What movie star would you like to eat with? What is your favorite movie?  These questions make me think that my audience is interested in getting away from reality.  The responses to these questions brought answers of travel, investigation, creativity, simplicity, values, peace and adventure. They would all like to travel to many places. traveling because of family and relaxation, to revisit the past or visit a place they have never been and are intrigued by. Travel to see a new culture and be in Awe of it. When ask what they want to be when they grow up the answers where very different but everyone wanted to be better off than where they are now.  When ask what they would write about everyone chose something that brought enjoyment and that they had passion about.   Quotes were full of ambition, faith, honor, strength, adventure and genuineness. Some questions were simple and some where complex.  When I address this audience I promise not to say anything bad about dogs.  I love dogs.  I found that people choose things based on their personal experience or those of people close to them.  When ask about which path most would enjoy an adventure if they knew it was safe.  I now know that I can write about any places and people if I choose. I can choose a variety of topics.  I simply need to honest and adventurous with my writing. I can share my values and talk about my past if I choose.  I get to write about things that I am passionate about, we can all do that because we where all have passion for the things that we answered.
I believe that is someone is passionate about something in their writing then the audience will pick up on that feeling and they will want to see what is there and to feel like they have gained something after they finish.

Henry the 8th. 7/1/2011

Second verse same as the first!  as the song says.  Yesterday is happening all over again.  I feel like Bill Murrey in the movie Groundhog day or the Duncan Donut guy that "arleady made the donuts".   I am so glad it is Friday. Two days of totally no routine. 
No up at 5:30 doing a workout.
No, making breakfast and packing a lunch.
No taking a shower and dressing for work.
No morning meeting.
No moves to be made or rooms to be packed.
No employees making excuses.
No staff calling in sick.
No nursing staff calling to confirm a mess that needs to be cleaned.
No chicken breast and broccoli.
No computer mess ups.
No emails.
No laundry.
No dishes.
No homework.
No cooking.
No cleaning.
No Jiu Jitsu class.
The routine of Monday through Friday, I feel like Henry the 8th. Same thing everyday.  I am looking forward to relaxation and no routine.  Just acting and not having to think.  I need my weekends to relax and refresh for the week of routine that is sure to come.  I don't know what I will do other than not worry about it, not worry about work or laundry or cleaning or computer malfunction or packing belongings or cooking or email or employees calling in or complaints or anything else.  I am simply going be and see where it takes me.  My Monday through Friday may be the same verse over and over again as the song says but my weekend my chorus is all mine!!!!  Bring on the chorus line!